


I've been knocked down (I got up again)

by loochskywalker



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I know 10000x more about hockey than snowboarding, M/M, Redemption, Snowboarding AU, cute and fluffy, olympic au, past alcoholism, past depression, so I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:31:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loochskywalker/pseuds/loochskywalker
Summary: The Real Gold Medal was the love he found along the way.ORMatt Martin is a disgraced snowboarder on the path to redemption and Mitch Marner is the bright eyed and bushy tailed rookie who thinks he's the greatest.





	I've been knocked down (I got up again)

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written and finished something in MONTHS i've been working on this fic since the 2018 Olympics and I'm honestly just so proud of this it makes me emotional thinking about it.
> 
> There are a few things to keep in mind:  
> i love snowboarding but I don't know that much about it so if you do and you want to correct me pls remember i did it just to make the fic work (although if you wanna teach me about snowboarding also do that).  
> "Derek" as well as a lot of other people are mentioned by first name. They're all team Canada snowboarders but Derek's the most important one. Derek Livingston.  
> This was influenced heavily by the song Cecilia and The Satellite by Andrew McMahon in The Wilderness so you don't HAVE to listen to it as you read along but it'll improve the experience.  
> AND I want to thank Mel (disappointmentbears) for editing parts of this and everyone else for looking it over i'm just happy to post something again.

 

Canada Goes Golden in Men’s Halfpipe

February 11, 2014

 

For the first time in the event’s Olympic history, Canada gets gold in the men’s halfpipe. Windsor, Ontario native Matt Martin missed the semifinal bye after coming 8th in Qualifying, meaning he had to put up 6 world class runs to win gold, and the 24 year old did not disappoint. After coming 16th in the qualifications fouryears ago in Vancouver, it seemed like Martin had come out of nowhere, but that didn’t stop him from making it to the top of the podium.

 

“I just gave it all I had,” Martin said,  the medal still around his neck, “It’s the Olympics, you either go hard or go home and, um, you know I did okay in the qualifiers and semis, but okay doesn’t win you medals. I knew going into the finals I had to give it all I had or I’d be going home with nothing. I knew I either had to fall or get in the nineties  or else I wouldn’t go home happy, thankfully it was the latter.”

 

“Going hard” is definitely one way to describe what Matt Martin did during his final run down the halfpipe. After gold medal favorites Shaun White and Taku Hiraoka fell during their first runs, Martin made it to the top of the halfpipe with the gold medal just out of reach. His first run was only one point away from his best run of the day, but he knew it wasn’t a gold medal performance.

 

“At competitions like this you almost need to be perfect; the only safe score for a gold medal is a perfect 100,” Martin told us. “I knew I had done good for me but I wasn’t representing me. I was representing Canada. In Vancouver I think it got to my head a little, you know. I didn’t do well, I was scared. Leaving those games, I knew I had more in me and that’s how I felt after that first run. You don’t expect a guy like Shaun White to fall twice in a row. After the first run I was in third. Honestly, I was just thinking about getting a medal and holding that bronze medal spot. Obviously I did better than that.”

 

The pressure Martin may have faced in Vancouver as the Canadians’ only hope in the halfpipe was definitely off of him as he made his final run. With almost no Canadian flags visible in the crowd, his motto of “go hard or go home” carried him through. This may have been why Martin was able to perform at his absolute best, stringing together a run that featured some of the biggest tricks he had, all back to back. It may not have been the historic ride that Shaun White had four years ago, but it was enough to earn him a 94.75, which beat out every other rider and made Martin Canada’s first ever Olympic gold medalist in men’s halfpipe. Now  only one question remains: will he be back for another?

 

“I plan to!” Martin laughed. “I’m only 24 and I want to be apart of this sport and Team Canada for as long as I can. Representing this country on a stage like the Olympics is a dream come true.”

 

SOCHI

 

*******

 

Canada’s Future on The Halfpipe Looking Brighter

February 26, 2014

 

With Matt Martin’s historic run already two weeks in the past and interest in men’s halfpipe at an all-time high, fans have turned the spotlight on an unexpecting Mitch Marner. The sixteen year old Markham, Ontario native never expected to be the center of attention going into a run like this, but that’s exactly where he found himself on Wednesday.

 

“Martin’s amazing,” Marner said when  asked about Martin’s historic Olympic run. “I’ve always looked up to him, he’s always been great, I’m just glad the rest of Canada got to see that at the Olympics this year.”

 

When asked if he saw Martin’s run in Vancouver, Marner had a lot to say.

 

“That wasn’t his best, I think everyone knows that, but you could see what he was going for. He came last or something, you know, he didn’t qualify and everyone was watching him and giving him a hard time for that. But it sparked something in me. That’s what I wanted. Like, all I could think was that I wanted to get that chance too, you know? Martin did that for me and now I’m here, and now I know I can make it to the Olympics and win gold one day, too. Who knows, maybe we’ll be on the podium together.”

 

Marner may have needed Martin as inspiration but he certain doesn’t need Martin for talent. Marner ended up in third after Jake Pates and Toby Miller, the favorites for the competition. This was his second event on a tour that started early February and will end early March.

 

With this rising star, Canada could be looking towards an even brighter future in men’s halfpipe.

 

MAMMOTH FALLS

 

*******

 

Month After Gold Medal Finish, Canada’s Matt Martin Suffers Massive Fall in Competition

March 21, 2014

 

After an amazing showing at the Olympics just last month, Canadian snowboarder and gold medalist Matt Martin suffered a concussion and a broken clavicle during a massive fall in competition today. Falling almost ten feet, Martin hit his head and was immediately  carted off by a medical team. The fall, while not looking immediately dangerous, was exceptionally more so as many refer to the deceptively soft-looking halfpipe as “frozen concrete.”

 

“That ice is patted down and is sitting there in the cold, so by the time the riders go down it’s like sliding on concrete. There’s not much different between falling here and falling in the skate park,” said Landon McDowell, who makes and maintains the halfpipe here at Calgary Olympic Park.

 

The fall followed many critics who said the run Martin had at Sochi was all a fluke, the majority  pointing out that he needed two of the gold-medal favorites to fall and that under normal circumstances , a score below 95 would not have earned a gold medal. Martin, of course, ignored these comments, still proud of his medal and performance at the Olympics; but these critics raise the question , was this run Martin trying to prove himself?

 

After failing to qualify at the Vancouver Olympics as Canada’s only competitor on the halfpipe, perhaps Martin felt that he owed something to his country, which may explain why he decided to compete in Calgary today, so soon after his gold-medal run at Sochi.

  
  


CALGARY

 

*******

 

Martin Sidelined From X-Games Because Of Continued Concussion Issues, Marner Gets 8th

January 22, 2015

 

Concussions seem to be the headliner at most athletic events these days, and seems to be the case for Team Canada going into the X-Games here in Aspen. After sustaining a horrible head injury last year in Calgary, Canadian Olympian and gold medalist Matt Martin still has not made his comeback. Sources close to Martin say he’s still struggling with a concussion and has not been cleared to go back out on the slopes. The time off the snow has been reportedly rough for Martin, who is  trying to learn to deal with not just the physical symptoms of a concussion, but also the boredom of not being allowed to snowboard.

 

No one wants to talk about it, but this could be the end for Matt Martin. He stunned the world in Sochi but it seems as if that may be the height of his career. The worst part of snowboarding—the risk these athletes take everytime they hit the slopes—may also be its best; spectators love watching these athletes perform to a high level because of the danger and unfortunately that danger caught up with Martin.

 

The irony is, of course, that Martin should not have been competing in Calgary in the first place; no other Olympian was even considering an event so close after the end of the Olympics. But Martin hasn’t thrown a competition winning run on Canadian soil since he was 21, and that knowledge could have contributed to his decision to participate in Calgary.

 

The scarier part is no one knows how long concussions can last; some experts are saying it could last his lifetime. Unfortunately, this means that there is no timeline for Martin’s return. It seems that even if he is cleared sometime soon there’s no saying he’ll be anywhere near his prime when he finally starts snowboarding again.

 

Meanwhile, Canada got to see its rising star, Mitch Marner come in eighth  in the men’s halfpipe final. After coming in third in the elimination round, Marner suffered a few technical challenges in the final that ultimately weighed him down. That being said, nothing can shake this optimistic rider’s confidence.

 

“It’s all about learning and getting better,” Marner said following his run. “There’s a reason guys like Shaun always finish towards the front.You need the experience. Losing teaches us a lot more than winning does and I’ve only failed if I take nothing from this. So I’m going home happy and confident in my abilities and I’m going to keep pushing forward.”

 

While not medaling, Marner still seems to be Canada’s only hope for qualifying for the 2018 Olympics in South Korea.

 

ASPEN

 

*******

 

The Curious Case of Matt Martin by Roger Starnum

June 6 2015

 

How do you go from a gold medal to not even being able to leave the house? Just ask Windsor native, Matt Martin, as he’s done just that.

 

I think I speak for all Canadians when I say that Martin winning gold in Sochi was one of the best moments in Canadian halfpipe history, considering we’ve had very little to cheer about. It might also just be one of the best moments in Canadian snowboarding history, period. No one expected this kid; he came out of nowhere. After Vancouver I was one of many Canadians to just write him off. Then Sochi came, and I had to eat my words. He was a world class snowboarder that day, and while he needed Shaun White and Hiraoka to fall he still got gold and no one could take that from him. The snowboarding giants fell and he didn’t and, in my opinion, that medal was his fair and square.

 

But then Martin went and ruined it, making the terrible decision to compete at the Calgary Olympic Park a month after his Olympic run. He sustained a concussion in that event but he must have had some brain damage already because no one in their right mind would have gone on that run. The fall he suffered was definitely worth him being left in dead last that tournament, but still being out well over a year after it happened? I’m not sure about that.

 

Sure, Martin hit his head, but the fall wasn’t that hard. It’s now that I wonder if he hit his pride on that fall as well, and hasn’t been able to show his face since. I mean, the one thing people were saying after the Olympics—anyone who knew anything about the sport was saying—was that Martin was just lucky, just a fluke. During Sochi I didn’t believe it because I had eyes, but now it’s looking like that might be the case. Martin wasn’t able to repeat that run, and he hadn’t been able to do it until then.

 

It just doesn’t make sense that Martin would still be out because of an injury. Plenty of snowboarders get injured every year but it doesn’t completely derail their whole career. Unless, of course, Martin wasn’t a _real_ snowboarder to begin with. We all get our moment in the sun and have the opportunity to reach the top of the mountain, and maybe that’s what happened with Martin. Is he a good athlete? I’m sure he is. Is he an Olympic Athlete? Objectively, yes. However, subjectively he may have only made the Olympics because Canada had no one else to send. I just don’t think he was or ever will be the real deal.

 

Anthony Delaurier commented: who even cares about Martin? IT’S ALL ABOUT MARNER

Carey MacDonald commented: I hope he feels better he was one of my favorites :(

Taylor Landry commented: I heard he was getting drunk in bars around Windsor now. What a low life!

Roger Starnum commented: Yeah heard that too. Lost his medal and everything.

Taylor Landry commented: lol what a loser

 

*******

 

Martin Rides Again

December 16, 2015

 

Some may say Martin has had it pretty rough lately, but “rough” may be an understatement. After winning gold in Sochi, everything seems to have gone wrong for the snowboarder. He sustained a major head injury in Calgary, faced criticism after reports surfaced that he was causing a disturbance in bars in Windsor, and ended up losing his Olympic gold medal during a trip to Toronto for his brother’s bachelor party. But just this weekend, Martin made it back in the halfpipe for the first time in almost two years.

 

“It’s been really tough for me, you know. I hit my lowest lows since last March and I didn’t think I’d be able to come back from them. I don’t think anyone can understand how much this means to me, just to be snowboarding again,” Martin told us over the phone after his run earlier today. “It wasn’t just the concussion, you know,” Martin said when we asked about his ‘lowest lows,’ “That definitely, I think, started it, but it wasn’t just that. I was super depressed, everything hurt and I wasn’t allowed to do anything but sleep all day, basically. My parents had to take care of me and I’ve been independent since I was 17, and all I could think was like, ‘This isn’t my life, Ican’t live like this.’

 

“When I finally started getting better, ironically enough that’s when I started getting worse, too. I could get out of the house and that’s all I wanted to do. I started drinking too much and partying too much, it was all really bad. I think I finally was turned around when I woke up one night after my brother’s  bachelor party and realized I didn’t have my gold medal anymore. That was like, the one thing getting me through all this. I don’t want to get too dark but I was incredibly suicidal up until that point and that’s when I kind of went, ‘What the ---- am I doing here? I can’t just give up on myself like this.’ When I made it back home I started working on me, started trying to find a life outside of snowboarding, and then the doctor cleared me to go back out on the halfpipe and everything came rushing back.”

 

With the whole world ahead of him, Martin says he’s not even thinking about the X-Games just yet, let alone the Winter Olympics a few years ahead.

 

“No,” Martin laughed. “I have a lot in my life that I need to get back on track. Obviously I want to go and compete in those huge competitions but this is bigger than that. I know everyone was calling me a fluke and that bugged me for a while, but I’m not snowboarding again to compete, I’m doing it for me. The thought of redemption is what was making me so sick before, so I’m nowhere near that anymore. This is just about my happiness. And after today I’m happy as I’ve been in years.”

 

TORONTO

  
*******  


Redemption

March 11, 2017

 

Matt Martin may not have been looking for redemption, but that’s exactly what he found saturday in Sierra Nevada, Spain where he came in first at the FIS World Championship. The Canadian is most widely known for his incredible gold medal win at the 2014 Olympics at Sochi, and his subsequent fall from grace after suffering a concussion about three years ago in Calgary.  

 

This win was all Matt Martin needed to qualify for the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea. He joins countrymen Mitch Marner and Derek Livingston as Canada’s Men’s Halfpipe Team. A sport, that has recently fallen into the shadows of men’s slopestyle where Canadians Mark McMorris and Max Parrot are both medal contenders, now is back to the forefront.

 

While the Americans , with their squad headlined by Shaun White, still seem to own the slopes going into these Olympics Canada has a chance to  really make a push for a medal. Martin, already a gold medalist, is used to raining on the parades of favorites and he’ll have to do it again if he expects to medal at all in South Korea next year. With only a year of snowboarding under his belt since his big fall, there’s no saying where Martin falls in the overall rankings as his career is full of the highest highs and the lowest lows. But one thing’s for sure—it will be a fun competition to watch, come February.

 

Marner, who was also at the competition, came sixth  and while he already has qualified for the Olympics he will need to be better come February. These championships, of course, were missing big names like Shaun White and Ayumu Hirano. That’s not to say that Marner has no chance, but it seems Canada’s big gun going into Pyeongchang will once again, be Matt Martin.

 

TORONTO

  
*******

 

“Hey, Waterbug,” Derek says as he and Matt enter the lobby of Canada House, side by side. Matt sees who he’s talking about almost immediately, as Mitch Marner is all but waiting for them by a table near the front door.

Marner beams with one of his trademark huge smiles and hurries up to them with two cups in hand. “Hey Guys!” He says happily, handing the cups over to them.

“Oh I love your boyfriend,” Derek mutters as he takes a sip from his cup.

Matt rolls his eyes as Mitch blushes, so red he rivals the Canadian flags hung on the wall.

“Don’t kill the kid,” Matt says as he takes a sip from his cup as well.

Derek just makes a sound of acknowledgement as he continues to drink his beer, like he’s trying to drown himself in it, in one sip.

“Or yourself,” Matt adds when Derek still isn't coming up for air.

Derek lowers the cup and smirks at Matt, “We have one more night before we have to start worrying about like, the Olympics, or whatever. The village is gonna go pretty dry until the closing ceremonies. Gotta enjoy yourself before we need to be in tip top condition”

“So getting alcohol poisoning now helps you, how?”

“Fuck off, Matt” Derek grumbles again as he goes to take another sip, one that is significantly shorter.

“Hey, so Matt!” Marner cuts in,

“Yeah?” he asks, turning towards him and away from Derek now that he’s sure he’s not going to dump a whole keg down his mouth.

Marner looks nervous still, his hand fidgeting in his pocket like he’s holding something, probably his phone.

“I...Uh…” he stops, “Am really excited!” He adds with a sudden big smile on his face.

“When aren’t you?” Derek asks

“This is a different excited!” Mitch says and takes his hand out of his pocket to throw it up, “we’re playing on the same team now!”

“You know halfpipe isn’t a team thing, right?” Matt asks.

“Okay, but you know” Mitch frowns at Matt, “this is a big deal okay? We’re gonna get gold and silver and everyone will be like ‘America? What’s that? Never heard of it.’”

“Yeah, because Shaun White is going to fall a grand total of four times in an olympic final, so Matt can win a gold medal, that’s how probability works,” Derek says.

“What if Matt’s just better than Shaun White?” Marner shoots back.

Derek just laughs at that and even Matt can’t help but smirk.

“Whatever, I’ll be the optimistic one then!” Marner says. He’s pouting now and it’s so cute Matt wants to pinch his cheeks.

“Aw, Waterbug!” Matt says, “I’m sure I won’t die at least.”

“There it is!” Derek says, “That’s more optimistic than me, I’m counting down the seconds until you break your hip old man!”

“Hey, breaking your hip is not dying” Matt says, “broken bones are nothing.”

“Aren’t you guys the same age?” Marner asks

“Uh no, actually, I was born in 91 and he was born in 89. So we’re from completely different decades and completely different people,” Derek says.

“Yeah, he says things like ‘homie’ and ‘bro’ unironically, those things were very uncool when I was growing up,” Matt says.

“Whatever,” Derek rolls his eyes, “They weren’t uncool that was just you.”

“When Matt was growing up he won a gold medal what did you do?” Marner asks, coming out of nowhere for the kill.

Derek glowers at him as Matt lets out a victorious “Ha!” and high fives Marner, who’s giggling uncontrollably.

“Talk to me when you qualify for the finals, Derek” Matt adds as Derek turns his glare away from Mitch and onto him.

“Yeah, why don’t you two just go up to your room and work all that frustration out, _without_ me being your punching bag.”

Mitch flushes even redder this time and Matt shakes his head.

“If you joke about us having a relationship anymore he’s gonna pass out from the blood rushing to his head too quickly. We need him for Tuesday, please don’t break my rookie,” Matt scolds.

“Deal, if he gets me another beer.”

“Hey Mitch?” Matt smiles.

“Yeah, yeah” Marner yanks the cup from Derek’s hand and stomps back over to the bar. He’s kind of adorable when he’s mad.

 

********

 

Matt is sharing a room with Marner which can be kind of awkward for a few reasons. The first one being, that Marner’s crush on Matt is probably about the only thing everyone on Snowboard Canada agrees on. That doesn’t bug Matt too much -- he’s gay himself so he’s not like, weirded out by _that_ part -- but it is awkward for Marner who changes in the bathroom and hides under the covers when Matt changes in their room like the adult he is.

The second reason is that Mitch is 20 and these are his first olympics, and that means one thing: Parents. Matt’s parents didn’t want to make the trek to South Korea, which he’s fine with, he’s spent more than enough time with them the past few years already, they’re all kind of sick of each other. But Mitch’s parents are exponentially more excited for Mitch than he is for himself. And don’t get Matt wrong, he loves Mitch’s parents to death, he’s probably had more conversations with them than he’s had with Mitch; However, it is a little weird to be woken up at 8 am because two other adults are walking in with a tray full of bagels apologizing that it’s not Tim Horton’s.

The Parents thing also embarrasses Mitch who spends 80% of his time around Matt trying to prove that he’s mature and responsible.

There’s this whole thing, after the first night, where Mitch’s parents knock on the door while Mitch is in the shower so Matt has to get up and answer the door, shirtless because he was just sleeping. Mitch's parents don’t even blink an eye and they have coffee, so Matt lets them in with no complaints.

However when Mitch came back into the room his eyes nearly popped out of his head and he hurled a shirt at Matt and demanded he put clothes on.

Mitch’s mom rolled her eyes and said “Sweetie, it’s nothing none of us haven’t seen before.” and Mitch all but passed out from embarrassment.

But things like that are exactly why Matt loves Mitch’s parents.

He met Mitch when the kid was only 12 years old and Matt hadn’t even gone to Vancouver yet, let alone win gold in Sochi. It was quick, Mitch was going to be part of Team Canada’s development program and Matt was the reason he was so excited. The Halfpipe was the _coolest_ thing in the whole world and all Mitch did was practice for it. He looked up to Matt. Matt was his idol.

Matt of course was barely 19 at the time and had no idea how to respond to anything like that. So instead he just took the Canadian flag they had given him after he completed his run and draped it over Mitch’s shoulder.

Mitch still has that flag. Matt knows. Mitch asked him to sign it last year and made Matt promise not to tell Derek or any of the slopestyle guys. And Matt hasn’t told them because it was cute and everyone already picks on him enough. _Matt_ picks on him enough but some things you leave alone, like when Mitch gets all genuine and wide eyed. It’s fun to tease but Matt’s protective, not necessarily of Mitch because he’s an adult and is more than capable of taking care of himself, but a spark he sees in Mitch’s eyes. Nothing bad has happened to Mitch, not really, which Matt can tell just by listening to him laugh or watching him smile. Those things should never go away, Mitch doesn’t deserve that.

 

*******

 

Back in Vancouver Matt was the only Canadian on the halfpipe but he had his coaches and his peers anyway. Just because they hadn’t qualified for the Olympics doesn’t mean his countrymen had abandoned him. And when Matt asked them for help or advice he expected something like “it’s more important to hit everything clean” or “just try to get as much air as possible” whatever, technical stuff.

That’s not what Matt got.

Instead he got the “enjoy the moment” stuff, the abstract advice that didn't make him feel any less anxious in the moment. It was like he wanted someone to just give him The Secret to doing well at the Olympics, like there was one trick that would secure him an 80.

There wasn’t.

It was good advice though.

Matt had spent so much of Vancouver anxious and stressed he barely participated in anything with team Canada. And after his run he was so humiliated and devastated he just went directly home and hid for a bit before starting to train again, harder, more motivated. It was after that when he made Sochi that he started taking it for granted, which in retrospect is stupid because who would take the Olympics for granted? Ever. But for a long time Matt was the only Canadian man who could even contend for the podim on the halfpipe, so it just seemed to sort of make sense that he would keep going to the Olympics. Winning the gold medal just sort of cemented that.

So now it’s Pyeongchang, Matt had to take a 14 hour flight to be here, and he doesn’t give a fuck about medalling. Well okay, no, that's an exaggeration. He’s an athlete, he’s competitive, and he gets bitter when even Derek lands a trick in practice that he misses. But the time he would have spent replaying tricks in his mind, anxious and alone in his bedroom he’s now standing on the beach, feeling the wind rip around him and just taking it all in.

When he pictures South Korea he always pictured big sprawling cities packed with people and bright lights. Pyeongchang isn’t like that. They’re in a beautiful beach town with cafes along the oceanfront. And it is busy, a bunch of tourists and athletes taking pictures and enjoying the day, but its calm too.  It makes Matt smile, just to watch it.

This is the only chance he probably has to experience South Korea, it’s a world away and it’s beautiful and Matt doesn’t want to pass it up.

So yeah he wants to medal. But more than that, he wants to be here.

“Hey,” Matt turns and smiles when he sees Mitch, face red and toque pulled down over his ears.

“You couldn’t pick a warmer place to hang out?” Mitch asks, a little grumpy as the wind whips around them.

“I’m sorry, I should have known you’d be stalking me,” Matt says.

Mitch rolls his eyes, “Just keeping you company.”

“Yeah, that’s your only motive,” Matt says, suspicious.

Matt can’t tell if Mitch blushes or not but he turns away and lifts a paper cup to his mouth, taking a sip of whatever’s inside, probably coffee.

“I just,” Mitch starts before stopping himself, “don’t want you to be lonely.”

“I don’t mind being lonely,” Matt says, “you know, you can’t stop bad days, there’s no secret to make every day amazing. Everyone’s gonna be lonely sometimes, Mitchy, you just gotta not let it get to you.”

“You weren’t lonely for just a day or even a week though,” Mitch says, “This is higher stakes, you were…”

“I know,” Matt says and smiles again at Mitch as he puts his hand on Mitch’s shoulder, “I was there bud,” he pats Mitch once and drops his hand.

“Yeah sorry, I didn’t mean,” Mitch shakes his head, “just want. I don’t know I feel like…”

“What?”

“I don’t know, I owe you or something.”

Matt laughs, “for what? You’re a great kid Mitch but I have closer friends who feel less responsible for my well being. And not because they’re bad friends,” he turns to look towards Mitch again, “you feel guilty?”

“I guess,” Mitch shrugs, “I guess.”

“Why? Is it because everyone thought you were going to take over my career or whatever? You shouldn’t feel guilty for being great.”

Mitch sighs, doesn’t look placated at all but just says, “Yeah.”

“Hey, don’t worry about any of that,” Matt gestures towards the beach, “Focus on this, you get to see the world. Take that in.”

“Best job ever,” Mitch agrees.

 

******

 

Mitch gets trashed before the opening ceremonies, to the point where Matt is genuinely worried a CBC camera will somehow find him and he’ll be all over the news for being drunk and disorderly on national TV.

“It’ll be fine,” Derek says, snickering as he watches Mitch cling to Matt.

“This is fine?” Matt asks pointing to Mitch who’s rubbing his face along the collar of Matt’s Team Canada coat, “this isn’t obvious to you at all?”

“Just feel lucky CBC doesn’t want to interview you, then we’d really be fucked. I don’t think we could pry Mitch off of you if we had a crowbar,”

“‘M not goin anywhere” Mitch mumbles into Matt’s coat.

“Yep, no one’s making you, kid,” Matt says, “he’s going to be mortified about this tomorrow.”

“I know,” Derek says, eyes bright and smile big.

“You’re no help.”

That just makes Derek laugh, “make sure he stays upright and everything we’ll be fine.”

Matt shakes his head, upright is the least of his worries. He could fireman carry Mitch through the opening ceremonies if he had too, even send him back to Canada house. But tonight was a thing. A big thing. If Mitch missed it he wouldn’t just feel embarrassed about being drunk but he’d be upset that he didn’t even get to experience it.

Before they’re just about to go out Matt locks his arm around Mitch’s waist and smiles at him when Mitch giggles happily about it.

“Don’t forget to wave your flag,” Matt tells him and reaches over, lightly grabbing Mitch by the wrist and lifting his arm for him.

Mitch doesn’t respond but he does start waving his flag around, staring up at it with his mouth open dumbly. Matt has the sudden image of a cat staring at a feather waving back and forth in front of its face and smirks just a little. Even when he’s stumbling around drunk he’s cute.

The ceremony is a long one but the walk goes by fast enough. Derek stands on Mitch’s other side and puts his arm around Mitch’s shoulder to help Matt disguise him. Mitch being flushed and giggly is normal enough no one gets suspicious and with Derek and Matt being his crutches he doesn’t even stumble on his feet. The real problem comes when they are finally sitting in the arena and have to wait for the ceremonies to finish up.

Matt usually loves this part but Mitch is restless and whining. They get some glares from some of the other athletes around them and Matt has to lean over a few times and tell Mitch to be quiet. Mitch just pouts for a few minutes before leaning back over and whispering something about the lights, or the dancers.

Eventually Matt just puts his hand on Mitch’s thigh and squeezes. A quiet ‘please shut up,’ and Mitch all but freezes.

Matt can guess why but he doesn’t bring it up.

Walking back to the Canada house Derek and Matt finally let Mitch off his leash. He’s walking ahead of them about 10 feet and throwing his arms up, walking in circles and singing O Canada.

“I guess that’s one way to enjoy yourself,” Derek says with a smirk.

Matt shrugs. It probably looks bad. Like Mitch isn’t taking this seriously but it fills Matt with fondness as he remembers his first Olympics. He wishes he had done what Mitch currently was.

“It’s nice,” Matt says as he stuffs his hand in his pockets, “he’s making the most of it. Ya know, everyone always tells you to just enjoy it when you’re here and it sounds like bullshit because the olympics are so stressful. Well maybe he actually figured it out.”

“Well he’s not going to be so stress free tomorrow,” Derek says, “I know you’re all about experiences now and ‘fuck medals’ but the kid has a future,” Matt grimaces because Derek sounds uncharacteristically serios, “I mean opening ceremonies sure but he can’t be enjoying himself too much. The stress and the fixation is part of what makes us Olympians.”

Matt understands where Derek was coming from. There’s always such thing as going overboard and Mitch probably would be devastated if he lost a chance at medalling because he was hungover or something. But drinking isn’t really what Matt was talking about. Matt had lost during his first Olympics and left feeling like everything he had done had been for nothing. It had wrecked him. For Mitch, Matt really doesn’t want him to feel that way.

“Yeah, I just worry he’s going to go home miserable like I did after Vancouver,” Matt says.

“Well after Vancouver you won gold,” Derek points out, “maybe being miserable isn’t such a bad thing. Maybe feeling the pressure and crumbling isn’t the worst case scenario. Maybe apathy is even worse.”

Matt shakes his head. He knew why Derek would say that. But Matt had his gold medal… well… maybe not physically since he lost it, but he won one. Looking back, in the grand scheme of things, part of him wishes he had just been having fun.

But Derek is right too. Apathy is the worst. Complacency. It can kill you. It almost killed him. So maybe Derek isn’t totally off. All Matt knew is, as he watched Mitch’s flushed face catch the light of a streetlight, as he heard his voice crack on “on guard for thee,” was that he wanted Mitch to feel like this forever.

 

******

 

Mitch is a Maple Leafs fan, which is just how it goes, and it’s one of the reasons Matt is so glad that the NHL guys aren’t here this time. Matt’s not missing out or anything, Canada’s still going to win gold in both men and womens hockey, and he already met the big names. He’s already bragged about it, showing off the picture of his signed Sidney Crosby puck to Mitch ‘wide-eyed’ Marner. But Matt knows from personal experience that Mitch can be a little much around his idols and Matt can handle it, but hockey players? Probably not.

“They wouldn’t care,” Mitch mumbles, slumping on the couch, “I can be chill.”

Matt makes a disbelieving noise and gets a glare in response.

But what can Mitch say? It’s bullshit, they both know it. All of them wanted to be NHL players at some point. In Canada it’s like if you end up playing any sport besides hockey it’s because you weren’t that good at hockey. Which is maybe overboard. Matt genuinely does love snowboarding more than anything else. But he also would be lying if he said, that even to this day, he doesn’t dream about scoring a stanley cup winning goal.

Mitch maybe even more so. He was good. Matt remembers having a conversation with Mitch’s dad not too long ago about how when it came down to it, choosing hockey and snowboarding, he had been a little disappointed when Mitch chose snowboarding. Matt made a comment about how _he_ wasn’t and that just made Mitch’s dad smile.

Good as he was though, Mitch is still dumb enough to be a Leafs fan.

“Yeah and what do you got?” Mitch bites back, more aggressively than he would if the topic was about anything else, extremely protective over his team, “another disappointing season from the red wings?”

Matt shrugs, “25 years man,” He says, “it’s like community service. They’re giving the rest of the league a chance.”

Mitch rolls his eyes and his leg bounces where he has it resting against the edge of the table in front of him. The little suite they share with other snowboarders is cute and cozy. Most of them are out but Matt is pretty sure he can hear noise coming from Tess and Brooke’s room. Derek had said something about going to watch hockey at the Canada house with Mark and Max but Matt wasn’t feeling much of a party tonight and Mitch wanted to stay back with him.

Derek had opened his mouth to comment on it but, from behind Mitch, Matt had glared as intimidatingly as he could and Derek shut his mouth, refusing to wipe the smirk away. Sometimes Mitch’s crush didn’t need to be taunted and sometimes Matt just wanted the company.

Mitch is good company too. They got along. It isn’t always easy because Mitch would slip into moments of feeling awkward around Matt. But for the most part, when he isn’t anxious and he’s just being himself, they got along pretty well.

“Besides,” Matt says, not dropping the hockey conversation, “Larkin,” it’s the only argument he needs.

“Matthews,” Mitch shoots back, easy, “Nylander, Reilly, Gardiner, Andersen…”

“Game 7.”

“Oh yeah when’s the last time Detroit has won a series against Boston?” Mitch huffs, getting more annoyed by the second. Matt wasn’t usually the type who liked riling people up but with Mitch it was… maybe fun was a the wrong word but it was mesmerizing all the same.

Matt grins at him and kicks at Mitch’s feet so they’re pushed off the table and fall to the floor with a loud thud. “Talk shit when your teams stanley cup photo actually comes in color,” Matt says.

They are watching a hockey game now but it’s not the Leafs and it's not the Red Wings. It’s hockey night in Canada. It’s Montreal versus Winnipeg and mostly the two of them are just hoping Montreal loses. Matt didn’t like going out much anymore but he’d be lying if he said Derek and Max being habs fans didn’t play a part in it. Mitch he can handle, but two Habs fan together in a bar? Insufferable.

When the game is over Matt gets up immediately and heads into their room and starts to undress. His plan is to take a shower, change into the coziest clothes he has, and get a full night's sleep before practice runs tomorrow. They aren’t set to have an event until tuesday but the slopestyle final is tomorrow and they all are going down to watch.

He gets out of the shower slowly, always liking the way the hot water felt like it was burning his skin. It’s colder in the bathroom than the shower, and he knows it’s going to be even colder in the hotel room. He would change in here just to save himself from the cold if he didn’t absolutely hate the way clothes felt on his wet body. Matt isn’t the type to walk around naked in front of people, even if he isn’t necessarily shy, but the only reason he did it is because he couldn’t dry off in the bathroom with it’s damp air. There was no way he’s putting his clothes on over his damp skin.

For modesty’s sake though, he does wrap a towel low around his waist.

Mitch is in their bedroom when he comes out. He’s reclining on his bed already dressed to sleep, playing some game on his phone that requires him turning it around like crazy. So he’s not paying attention at first when Matt walks out of the bathroom and towards the dresser but Mitch is not fucking subtle and Matt hears the sharp intake of breath.

Matt turns to raise an eyebrow to see Mitch staring openly. When he smirks Mitch goes beet red in a matter of seconds. He doesn’t say anything like ‘I’m sorry’ or even make an excuse he just squeaks and throws his blanket over his head.

“Aw come on Mitchy,” Matt teases, “am I really that ugly?”

“Shut up!” Mitch calls from under the blanket.

Matt laughs and starts to pull his clothes on. “Coast is clear,” Matt says as he’s climbing into his own bed, plugging his phone in.

Mitch throws the blanket off of him. He’s still bright red and his hair is all messed up but Matt just grins.

“Shut up like it’s not super humiliating already,” Mitch says throwing a glare at him.

“I’m not saying anything,” Matt says innocently, “besides, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Mitch just grumbles before laying his head on his pillow. He pulls the blanket up to his chin as he glares at Matt. “You know, most people have like boundaries and stuff,” he says a little pissily.

Matt lets out a short breath in something that mimicks a laugh as he checks through his phone. “Most people don’t actually have a staring problem,” he says off handed.

“I do...I nev...you are...this isn’t…” Mitch was glaring extra hard when Matt looks back up at him, “you _know_ ” Mitch says and his tone is accusing.

He can’t help it. He laughs then. Mitch is just. Adorable. He’s so adorable and Matt laughs, not meanly, only because it’s funny. He knows Mitch gets a lot of shit for things from the rest of the team but only because he’s one of the youngest and he can mostly take it. Matt does run interference on some things or stick up for Mitch. But mostly it’s cute and Mitch is being cute right now.

Mitch just leans over and turns out the light by his bed. He huffs and tosses in his bed so his back is facing Matt and at least acts like he’s trying to go to sleep.

“If you need to jerk off I can put headphones in…”

“Shut UP!” Mitch calls from the bed. Matt can’t help but keep laughing.

 

********

 

There’s a few minutes in the morning where he’s almost worried Mitch is actually mad at him. They don’t cross paths first thing because Mitch has to leave early to go have breakfast with his parents. But by the time he meets up with them at the slopestyle event he’s as happy as ever.

It’s windy out like it has been the whole time they’ve been there and it leaves Mitch’s face looking sunburnt. But Mitch, as usual, is smiling openly and broadly and he clings to Matt’s side like nothing has changed. Because nothing has. Matt can breathe a sigh of relief at that.

“Is it starting soon?” Mitch asks, raising his voice to match the volume of the crowd.

“Yeah, should be,” Matt says.

“You know the order?” Mitch asks, “When’s Mark going?”

“He’s going third in the second heat, Max is going 8th,” Matt tells him easily, knowing the schedule by heart already.

“What about Seb?”

“This heat,” Matt says, “fourth.”

Mitch nods and tilts his head down to bite at his jacket. It was something he did so easily. And for what felt like the hundredth time that week Matt couldn’t help but think he was so cute. Mitch must feel him staring, because he looks up and eyes Matt suspiciously.

“What?” he asks, his teeth still around the loop of his zipper.

“Nothing,” Matt answers smoothly, smiling at him.

Mitch looks insecure and suspicious as he drops the zipper from his mouth and Matt just knocks him on the back companionably and turns his head to watch the event.

Sebastien was the only Canadian to run the first heat. His first run was good, and his second one was highlighted by a crash. But he still qualified and when the scores came in he cheered with the rest of Snowboard Canada, laughing as Spencer and Tess waved their Canadian flag like crazy.

That’s when he feels something grab his arm and looks down at Mitch who’s grinning towards the slope, “no americans,” he says slyly to Matt.

Matt looks up at the leaderboard to see that Mitch was right, neither of the Americans from the first heat qualified. They hadn’t even gotten close. Matt looks back down at Mitch and shares his grin.

The next heat was a little more serious, a little more competitive. Both Mark and Max were going, and Tyler was going first. Three Canadians this heat as opposed to the one in the first heat. In seconds Mitch is back to biting at his zipper, with a lot more anxiety than the last time and even Matt has to tear his eyes away to watch the event.

In Canada when it comes to snowboarding you hear mostly about Mark. And he deserves a lot of it. Matt knows intimately what it’s like to come back from a serious injury, maybe not as serious as Mark’s but still, he gets it. He’s talented and he’s a fighter, and he’s got that boy band look to him. So people in Canada love the kid. But Max has unfairly, in Matt’s opinion, shouldered the title of “underdog” because of it. The first run they match each other almost identically and when their scores pop up Matt knows they’ve pretty much locked their ticket to the finals. But it’s not just about that today, as much as they say that to the media. No, there’s a lot of competition inside Team Canada and Max has the edge because he goes last.

Tyler goes first and lands a beautiful run that it redeems his first. Then Mark goes and immediately shoots to the top of the leaderboards with an 86, the best they’ve seen all day. And when Max goes, Matt holds his breath. His riding is technical and his jumps are high. Matt doesn’t breathe until he crosses the finish line and his score flashes up on the leaderboard.

An 87.36. First place.

Even with those amazing numbers Mitch is still pouting. Matt almost asks why but he sees it. An American qualified.

 

******

 

The slopestyle men's finals were the next day so Matt knew that hanging around to try to see the guys was probably out of the question. They’d want to see their families, have a quiet dinner, and lock themselves in. But that’s fine because Matt isn’t really planning on saying much to them besides “good run” anyway.

He goes out to dinner with Mitch and his family instead. Content to enjoy a family meal with them.

“Are you excited? How are you feeling about Tuesday?” Mitch’s mom asks them both as they sit in their little booth in a cute restaurant in the village.

Mitch shrugs, “it’s alright,” he says.

Matt quirks an eye at his nonchalance. It’s the Olympics. There’s no way Mitch is that chill about it. Matt knows him. Mitch may be rather laid back with a lot of things but he should be freaking out about this.

“Alright?” Mitch’s dad asks echoing Matt’s thoughts.

Mitch looks up at the rest of the table and gives them all a sheepish look, “No I mean it’s really cool and I love being here! It just… I don’t know… hasn’t settled in yet? Or something? I feel like there’s still so much to do before the event it’s like… why worry now?”

Matt’s eyebrow stay quirked up and both of Mitch’s parents look to him to see if this was an acceptable answer.

“Well,” Matt starts, “That’s one way to look at it,” he says.

“What about you Matt? Are you more or less nervous than last time?” Mitch’s mom asks him.

“Probably less,” Matt admits, “but I don’t know if my nerves have died down as much as the anxiety has. You know, I was on a redemption mission last time so I had a lot weighing on me. This time though,” he shrugs and folds his hands on top of the table “I’m just glad I made it back here, honestly never thought I’d have the chance,” he says.

“But,” Matt continues quickly, “I won at what? A 94 last time? I feel like we’re going to see some of these guys throw 100s, so that does make me a little nervous.”

They all laugh at that, a little uneasy and Matt is pretty sure he sees Mitch go a little green. He hopes that wasn’t the line that pushes Mitch over the edge.

 

*******

 

The men’s final and women's qualifying for slopestyle is the next day. The Olympics are always so busy and so compact, there’s always a million things to do but he has to focus on his own event. His own timing. Ultimately he decides to go to neither of them. He wants to go to women’s halfpipe qualifying tomorrow and then the day after that is their qualifying.

He goes out for a test run that day, with Mitch and Derek. Their coaches are giving them tips, talking them through it.

Matt is the kind of guy who likes to know his environment. So that’s what he talks to his coach about. What’s the ice going to be like, what’s the weather going to be like, where is the crowd going to be loudest… all of those things.

“The wind is going to be your biggest issue,” His coach tells him, “they’ve been delaying a lot of the events because of it. So keep that in mind when you go up in the air, don’t let it catch you off guard.”

The wind is what caught him off guard last time. That’s something Matt isn’t prepared to say out loud but he nods in understanding anyway. They both remember it.

“And don’t pay attention to what anyone else is doing, not even your friends over there,” he gestures towards Mitch, “maybe after Q’s I’ll let you see the leaderboard but I’m still on the fence about it.”

Matt rolls his eyes, “I’m not going to psych myself out that much,” he mutters.

His coach doesn’t seem placated.

Matt sighs knowing he isn’t going to get anywhere with this. But it’s fine, his coach just gives him a pat on the back and tells him to take a few runs.

After the practice they have the three of them go to Canada House to try to relax a little bit. Unlike the first night though, alcohol is off limits, he makes sure the other two know the moment they step inside.

“Yeah yeah,” Derek waves him off but Mitch looks a little more disappointed.

“After tuesday,” Matt tells him, leaning down to whisper in his ear, “Go wild” he gestures to the whole room while he says it but mostly he just feels the way Mitch tenses up. He squeezes Mitch's shoulder in apology and backs away.

“Yeah, I know,” Mitch says and rubs insistently at the side of his neck right below his ear, “I just feel like it’d be a great cure for this anxiety.”

“Oh you’re feeling it now huh?” Matt asks as he looks up just a little, watching as Derek walks towards one of the other athletes there. A pretty hockey player who’s taller than him.

“Yeah I guess,” Mitch bites at his bottom lip before swiping his tongue across it and looking towards the ground, “it was weird being out there. I mean I feel like I’ve been competing all my life but… you know everyone’s right. It’s different here.”

Matt nods, “I know the feeling. But you have nothing to prove. It’s the Olympics, you’re already an Olympian. Medals are nice to brag about but it’s the Olympic part that gets people’s attention.”

“Yeah I just feel like this is everything I’ve been working up to and if I fall or… I don’t expect to win okay, if I’m being honest I don’t expect to even get a medal not with guys like Shaun White or even… you know… Hirano. Hell out there today there was no way I could keep pace with you and you weren’t even trying that hard.” Mitch shakes his head like he’s clearing his thoughts, “but that’s not really even the point. I just feel like it’s been a long time since i’ve fallen during competition. So that means I’m totally gonna on tuesday.”

“You’re going to _kill_ yourself thinking that way,” Matt stresses, “You’re 20, you’re a baby,” Mitch makes an angry face, “you have the world ahead of you. I mean look at me, I’m 28. That’s two more Olympics for you just to get to my age and Shaun White’s 4 years older than me. This is not everything you’ve been working for.”

“Yeah but Matt it could literally be my only chance,” Mitch says, “You don’t know what it’s like.”

Matt makes a shocked face, “you think so?” he asks.

Mitch nods, “Yeah you… you lived the dream okay. No one in Canada has even medalled in this event before and you go out there and get gold in Sochi. You’re one of the greats and I’m not just saying that because I look up to you. It’s true. Maybe not of all time but for this time, this era, you are. Like you said this is your third Olympics. This is what you do.”

“Did you forget I almost never got to snowboard again?” Matt asks crossing his arms and leaning down so he didn’t have to raise his voice, maybe they could keep this between them and not shout it to the rest of Canada House.

Mitch doesn’t back down though, “But you got to go _before_.”

“I fucked it up the first time too,” Matt says, “I thought that was my only chance too and I ate it. I couldn’t even show my face around Windsor after that. Knowing I was The Canadian Dream on the halfpipe. This is a big deal for you Mitch, I get that, but this is not that, this is not Vancouver.”

“It’s not,” Mitch hisses, “It’s not Vancouver but the whole world is still watching.”

Matt sighs, annoyed, and rubs the bridge of his nose to calm down just a little. He _isn’t_ about to start a fight with a 20 year old right now, during the Olympics, in the middle of Canada house.

“Listen,” he starts, calmly, “I was where you are at one point okay. I was 20 at my first Olympics and there was no other Canadians at the event. When I fell I literally thought that was it for me but I am telling you Mitch. There is way more to your life than wednesday.”

“Yeah there’s also tuesday,” Mitch mumbles.

Matt sighs and put his arm around Mitch’s shoulders, trying to calm him down, “get big air, land it perfect, and don’t lose speed,” Matt tells him, “Only stay to watch the scores of the other riders if you’re on the podium. To qualify you’re going to need at least an 80 but to medal you’re going to need over 90, easy. Don’t watch anyone before your first run. You might think watching Shaun White would be the most stressful but seeing a guy eat it before you even get to go is almost as bad. If you do fall do your best to forget it the moment it happens. When I fall in the middle of my run I make sure to still finish with a fist pump. Be careful of the wind, move with it, if you go up and you feel like a trick isn’t going to work, don’t risk it in Q’s. I don’t need to tell you to think fast because that’s your strong suit but if the wind is feeling bad that day, adjust.”

Mitch looks up at him with wide, thankful eyes.

“And I won’t be able to talk to you during our runs, but before and after I’ll be right there,” Matt says, “Most importantly though, remember that you deserve to be there. I mean it when I said people only care about the Olympic part. Sure it’s nice to wave around a medal but i haven’t seen my gold medal in… jeez… years I guess at this point and it hasn’t really changed the reception I get.”

When Matt’s done Mitch looks vaguely uncomfortable, “uh yeah,” he says and moves away from Matt’s grip. “I actually, have to tell you something about that…” he says, sounding nervous.

“What?” Matt asks.

Mitch pauses as if he was thinking very hard about what he had to say next. “Well… I…” he starts.

But just then someone crashes into Matt and he ‘oof’s loudly.

It’s Derek, “Bro, Dude, Matthew,” Derek says excitedly, “there’s some sort of concert going down at the US house we should totally go.”

“Are you serious?” Matt asks.

“Yeah! We’ll be out of there in no time,” Derek promises with a grin, “Waterbug can come with us,” he says and gestures towards Mitch.

“No it’s cool,” Mitch says, “you guys can go without me. I think Mercedes and I are going to watch a movie tonight anyway.”

Matt looks to Derek and back to Mitch before shrugging and deciding ‘why not’ if Mitch is staying in then Matt doesn’t have to babysit. Maybe some music will chill him out, take his mind off of things. He played therapist a little too much tonight anyway.

“Sure, but we’ll talk when I get back,” Matt promises pointing towards Mitch, “I got you.”

 

*******

 

Matt came back that night and it wasn’t too late like Derek had promised but Mitch was already in bed. It’s probably for the best, and it’s definitely better than him having a sleepless night. It makes Matt smile lightly just to see him like that, relaxed and vulnerable, at ease with the world.

Something sharp in him sparks and makes him want to crawl into bed with Mitch… not in a creepy way just to make him feel more safe perhaps. Mitch is on the taller side for a snowboarder, about 6 feet even, but Matt still has 3 inches on him. He thinks maybe Mitch would feel good under him, like he’d fit there seamlessly. Matt really is protective of him, all of him; his feelings, his body, his reputation. Because in a lot of ways Matt looks down and sees himself, younger, naive, ready to take on the world. But in a lot more ways Matt sees someone completely different; sharp, witty, a big goofy smile.

Mitch is everything Matt wishes he could have been back when he was 20, instead of being a shut in who only thought about snowboarding. So maybe Matt doesn’t get what Mitch is feeling right now but he likes to think he does, or that he can at least help Mitch with it.

In that moment it feels so much more important to help Mitch than to do anything else. He wants to lean down, kiss his shoulder and just tell him everything is going to be okay. But only because Mitch deserves that gentleness. He put so much of it into the world Matt just wants to give it to him right back.

 

*******

 

Mark and Max both medal for slopestyle but neither get gold. Neither of the Canadian women qualify for the halfpipe final. And Mitch looks like he’s going to be sick.

“You’ll be fine,” Matt says that morning when he’s trying to get Mitch to eat, “even if you do fall, I mean look at Derek that’s all he does when he comes to the Olympics and they still invite him back.”

“Ha ha,” Derek says as he tries to eat his cereal, “you’re fucking hilarious.”

Mitch gives Matt a weak smile but still doesn’t seem to have much of an appetite.

“Come on,” Matt says and nudges the plate closer to Mitch, “you have to eat something.”

“But if I don’t eat there’s nothing to throw up,” Mitch says before sighing and looking down at his plate. He grips his fork and looks like he’s about to make a move before he closes his eyes again.

“Listen,” Matt says, “you know what you’re capable of, trust that.”

Mitch blinks his eyes open and looks at Matt. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something but then he closes it and just nods. After that, eating seems to come easy to him but his brow is still furrowed and his breathing is still shaky.

It’s just Q’s that day but Matt still has a strict No-Talking-To-Anyone-But-His-Coach Policy. He feels bad about it too because as they head up to the slope Mitch seems to be struggling pretty hard with the whole anticipation thing. Matt wants to help him out, all the way to the starting line, but he knows once they reach the top of the mountain he won’t have anything to say.

“If you have anything you wanna say or ask me,” Matt says, “say it now or wait.”

Mitch looks at him and goes to open his mouth. A short cut off sound comes out before he closes his mouth and shakes his head fervently, “Good luck,” is all he settles on.

“You too,” Matt says. And he means it.

He is going thirteenth that day in qualifying, directly before Shaun White. _No pressure_ he thought. None at all.

Derek is going second and Mitch is going fifth but Matt isn’t going to be watching either of them. He does spare his one last none-run related thought for Mitch though. He pleads with the snowboard gods, if they’re listening, to just let Mitch stay on his feet. At least for one run. That’s all Matt’s asking for.

He honestly wishes that he was going before Mitch so that after his second run he could stay at the bottom of the slope and watch him. But it’s just not how it happens. Matt has honestly been staying away from the press recently. It’s something he’s gotten good at. But his curiosity was piqued last night and he ended up on CBC’s website only to see that the front page news story was how he was a favorite at the halfpipe.

It seems like just yesterday they were telling him to step aside to make room for Mitch and now he’s their king again. Time does heal all wounds apparently.

But Matt doesn’t think about that. When he gets to the top of his run he fist bumps his coach, snaps his goggles over his eyes, and puts his earbuds in. It’s the same song it always is, Cecilia and the Satellite, which blows his coach’s mind but Matt swears by it. It’s not the kind of song he’d listen to otherwise but the first time he didn’t listen to it was Vancouver, the second time was Calgary.

“91” Matt’s coach says into his ear, just loud enough to be heard over the music.

Matt nods in acknowledgment before he’s given the signal to go.

Most snowboarders are smaller so they can throw themselves higher into the air. But Matt’s at a good spot too. He’s 6’3. Tallest snowboarder there. But he focused on being strong, not being light, so when he throws himself into the air he does it with his thighs and he can launch himself just as high as Shaun White.

His first run feels good, it feels clean and Matt makes sure to finish it off with his signature fist pump at the bottom. It always feels like it takes forever for the scores to come in but Matt was sure he did at least a 91, maybe 92, on that run. Which is what his coach told him was the highest score that day.

Looking at the board though he tries not to focus too much on the names or the countries. The last thing he needs is to see where Mitch is and fixate on _that_.

When his score flashes on the screen it says “89” and Matt makes sure to smile for the sake of the camera right in his face and nods approvingly. In his head he knows he’s capable of a lot more. That score is almost insulting. An 89 is objectively good and he _is_ currently in second. But the fact that they gave him under a 90 on a run like that, leaves him with a chip on his shoulder.

He follows the advice he gave to Mitch the day before. There was no podium in Q’s so he didn’t stick around to watch Shaun White who’s already preparing to start his run. He doesn’t need that right now.

As he waits for his signal to go a second time his coach doesn’t tell him what the highest score was and Matt tries not to think too hard about that. It was quite possible his coach doesn’t tell him so that Matt wouldn’t psych himself out. So it’s best to not do so anyway. Historically the only time his coach doesn’t tell him the score it’s because it’s at least over 5 points ahead of where Matt was in the standings already. So that isn’t boding well for him. But he also tells himself it was possible his coach just forgot. So Matt should forget too.

His song starts up and Matt is given the signal.

There is only one other time Matt has felt like this and it was Sochi. It’s almost as if what he’s doing isn’t really him. He’s just along for the ride, feeling high as he ever has.

Gold feels a certain way when it courses through your veins and that’s what this felt like. That chip on his shoulder, those 3 points the judges took from him, was probably the best thing that could have happened to him that day.

Matt’s fist bump when he lands it is hardly rehearsed. He pumps it into the air like the end of a triumphant 80’s movie and when he takes his goggles off and pulls down his scarf, the first thing he sees is Mitch.

He’s smiling bright and his face is all red. He already disposed of his helmet and Matt has to stop himself from grabbing Mitch by the sides of his face, just so happy he’s still in one piece.

Mitch doesn’t have the same restraint. He all but jumps into Matt’s arms and Matt laughs as he lifts him for a few seconds before putting him back down on the ground.

“That was _insane_ ” Mitch says loudly and Matt is very aware of the camera right next to them, “You might just even beat Shaun!”

Matt turns to the leaderboard then and sees exactly why his coach hadn’t told him the scores. Shaun white got a 93 for his first run but he wasn’t even in first, Hirano had just over 95. But more than that, so much more than that. There was the name Marner, in 6th place, a qualifying position.

Matt wants to look back at Mitch and pick him up again just to celebrate _that_. Mitch is going to the final. But then his score flashes on the scream and Mitch yells thrusting both of his firsts into the air.

A 96.75. It’s close to the best score Matt has ever gotten in his life. A full two points higher than his gold medal win back in Sochi. The sport had advanced so much in those four years but _god_ , it feels like something. Even just for qualifying it feels like something.

“Wooo!” Matt calls and Mitch hugs him again.

“You’re a fucking legend!” Mitch shouts as the name Martin moves up into 1st place on the leaderboard.

The first place finish doesn’t last long because Shaun White went and got a 98. But Matt doesn’t even really care.

He’s still got it.

  


******

 

“Yeah I ate it on my second run,” Mitch says beaming, “But my first one was great, a nice 84, I can’t complain about that at all. I think that’s why I fell the second time? You know I kind of felt like I already had it in the bag. Which isn’t the smartest way to be but I thought ‘hey why not,’ taking risks pays off sometimes. That’s what you said after you won gold, I still remember it ‘go hard or go home,’ so I went hard and” Mitch shrugs, “I fucked it up but my first run was good enough.”

“You know I didn’t invent that saying,” Matt says with a laugh. Mitch’s happiness is contagious as he sits across from Matt, mixing around his shake with his straw.

“Yeah well,” Mitch shrugs, “I was like 16 when I heard you say that so it really stuck with me,” he laughs, “I mean it Matt, god I was so creepy back then but I literally had all the articles about you taped on my wall and I would write some of that shit on my arms before I’d go to competitions. You winning gold was like the highlight of my childhood which is sad now that I said it outloud, but _god_ you beat that run _today_ and I was _right there_.”

Matt doesn’t think that is creepy at all, “You were the only Canadian who probably was still my fan after Vancouver,” he says.

Mitch presses a hand to his heart proudly, “oh definitely listen I’m ride or die here Matt” Mitch says, “When you fell in Vancouver all I could think was ‘wow he makes falling look cool’”

Matt doesn’t know if he’s joking or not but he laughs at it anyway, a laugh more genuine then he’s had in a very long time. There’s just something about sitting here. Across from Mitch, in their suite’s little dining room as Mitch rambles on about how great the day was. It makes Matt want to take this moment and stretch it out forever. Fuck finals. Fuck medalling. Fuck the Olympics. He wants to stay here, sit here, with Mitch Marner and that dumb smile and listen to him ramble about anything that comes to his mind.

Distantly Matt knows Derek isn’t with them because he didn’t Qualify for finals. Again. And usually Matt would feel bad but he feels like he’s basking in the sun here.

“You were right though I… I want to win I really do but also I’m just… I’m here. I’m so happy to be here,” Mitch clutches his fists in front of his chest, “Qualifying I mean, can you believe it? And I fell! That means the snowboard gods will be a little more gentle with me tomorrow.”

“Don’t tempt them” Matt laughs.

“Good point,” Mitch says, grinning at him.

There’s a pause between the two of them as Matt goes to take a sip of his own shake. It tastes mostly like bananas under all that healthy stuff. But he’s used to it by now. He doesn’t even feel the need to gag as it assaults his taste buds.

“Hey Matt,” Mitch says, his voice dropping into something playful and Matt’s only a little bit suspicious. “How about a bet,” he says.

“Go for it kid,” Matt says, curious more than anything.

“If I medal” Mitch starts and Matt grins, “Listen okay it could happen. If I medal, you have to kiss me.”

That makes Matt laugh again but he’s smiling, “You got it kid,” Matt says, “What do I get if I medal?”

MItch bites at his lip, “I’ll think of something,” He says.

 

******

 

Matt doesn’t have to remind Mitch that they can’t talk tomorrow. They ride up to the mountain in almost complete silence between the two of them. Mitch has a toque pulled down over his ears and his hoodie up, earbuds securely in. He’s mumbling along to what must be some Drake song because he’s a ‘good toronto boy’ whatever that means.

Matt on the other hand is stretching his shoulders out, rolling his head along his shoulders making sure to crack it and get all the tension out. An Olympic final. God it feels like forever since he’s been apart of one.

Because of his qualifying Matt is going second last today. With Shaun White just behind him once again. He never really considered if he had rivals in this sport. He doesn’t have much against Shaun in general but it always felt like every competition was about beating him. So maybe Shaun is his biggest rival. Rivalries just feel a little dumb to Matt, even as he gets ready at the top of the slope.

He puts his music in and lets his coach shout “87” into his ear, over the sound of Andrew McMahon’s singing.

There’s no gold in his veins in this run but when he lands it he’s confident. He knows there’s no way he got under an 87 on that one. Not at all. So his fist pump is genuine and when he gets a 92 his laugh is happy and real. He immediately skyrockets to first and while Shaun still has to go he feels really good about that run.

Over a 90 that’s what he told Mitch you needed.

He doesn’t stick around to see Shaun’s run. It’s the finals but there’s still no podium. Not yet.

“95” his coach says into his ear for his second run. 95 is a lot bigger than an 87 but Matt hit a 96 just yesterday. He was going to be good.

Down this run though Matt over rotates, lands too far down the pipe and wobbles. When he falls he thrusts his body forward so he can catch himself on his hands. It’s not the worst fall he’s taken and he still has momentum when he pushes himself back up. Enough to go up one side of the pipe and back down. He stops at the top of the other to shake it off for a few seconds and then hops back on to finish his run.

He still gives a fist pump. But he can’t lie and say he’s just as proud of it as his last run.

Matt shakes his head when he sees that he gets a 40 on the run. It’s really not terrible for a fall and that’s what Matt takes with him to his third run.

And the third run is the run. He had told Mitch that the Olympics is not your whole life. But it’s daunting anyway. To stand on stop of that pipe and look down on it.

When his coach leans in he expects to hear a number but instead he hears, “You got a medal,” and inside Matt’s chest explodes but outside he just nods curtly.

When he goes on this run he doesn’t give a fuck what’s in his veins, whether it’s bronze or silver or gold. He feels fucking great, light as a feather. He hits everything he wants to, has a little stumble but makes it to the end of the pipe beaming. He unstraps himself from his board, throws his helmet off and shakes his fist with a victorious, “Yeah!”

And then Mitch is on him, again.

“Oh my god!” He’s saying, “Oh my god Matt!”

Matt laughs happily and holds Mitch tightly, dropping his board in favor of picking up his rookie, swinging him around.

“You’re a fucking _legend_ ,” Mitch says and then pushes himself out of Matt’s grip just so he can smile up at him, “Canada’s only two medals in halfpipe history, you have them both!”

Matt turns towards the leaderboards then, when he realizes he doesn’t actually know what medal it is that he has.

He’s in third place.

That’s bronze.

Hirano and White are both ahead of him. Hirano has that pesky 95 and Shaun only has a 93.

Mitch wraps his arms around Matt’s waist as they both stare at the board, waiting for his score to pop up.

“Matthew Martin, Canada,” The announcer says and then pauses, “96.50!”

Mitch yells and starts jumping again before wrapping his arms around Matt’s neck again.

“You could win! You could win!” Mitch is chanting at him and Matt is speechless but he laughs triumphantly and holds Mitch as tight as he can.

Matt is so lost in everything that when Mitch lets go he feels bereft for a second before he sees that Mitch is running to the crowd. Derek is there on the other side of the divider and he hands Mitch the big Canadian flag he has. When Mitch runs it back to Matt, Derek grins towards him and salutes him. Matt salutes back with a big happy smile before his attention is pulled away again by Mitch wrapping the flag around his shoulders.

Mitch uses the flag to pull him close, so they’re eye to eye with only a few inches between them.

“This wasn’t a fluke,” Mitch says and Matt closes his eyes as he feels something bubble up in his throat. It comes out as a laugh but it feels almost like a sob. His chest concaves and his cheeks hurt from all the smiling.

It wasn’t a fluke.

When he opens his eyes back up he can feel tears at the corner of them and Mitch is smiling so wide Matt wants to go back on their bet.

But then their attention is pulled from each other and Matt has to walk backwards because Shaun white is starting his run. Mitch doesn’t leave his side and by the time he gets to the area by the dividers where they’re supposed to wait Derek has made his way to them and he grabs Matt from behind and hugs him close.

“Congrats,” He says, “Canada’s boy.”

Matt turns and smiles at Derek and they both hug each other, again, more firmly. He feels like Derek’s been with him through every step of the way. The only one to keep calling him up while he was dealing with his concussion asking him how he was doing, when he was coming back on the slopes. Everything felt right in this moment but there was something _more_ about Derek being there for it.

“Thanks man,” Matt says, and he means it more than he’s meant anything before.

He doesn’t think Derek gets it but Derek still smiles at him and knocks him in the shoulder. That’s all Matt really needs anyway.

Shaun White’s run is halfway done when Matt turns back but the last half is as incredible as Shaun White always is. The leaderboard said he had fallen during his second run too so it’s really up in the air. Currently Shaun sits in second and if he wins this, he’ll have three gold medals in the olympics. It’s an exciting storyline and if Matt wasn’t currently in first he would be rooting for him.

Shaun’s impossible to beat though. He basically invented half of the tricks Matt did today and so when he lands they all know he’s won. But Mitch still jumps at Matt and holds onto him tight. Telling him over and over that he ‘did it!’

The score to win gold is the highest anyone has ever scored at the Olympic games for halfpipe, a 97.75, almost a perfect score. And when Matt jogs over to give Shaun a hug and congratulate him. He really, truly means it.

“Thanks man,” Shaun says, “it’s great to see you back.”

Matt winks, “great to be back.”

 

******

 

Mitch wants to go out and drink when they get back. So does the rest of Snowboard Canada. Max wants to compare silver medals. And Derek thinks Matt deserves a party.

But Matt, he’s got the medal, and all he wants is to bask in it.

“Yeah,” Matt says, “How about after the medal ceremony?” he asks.

The rest of them grumble but agree while Mitch follows him into their bedroom like an excited puppy.

“Silver,” Mitch says when the door closes behind him, “You got silver,”

Matt turns and stares at him, he still can’t stop smiling, but as he looks Mitch over Matt’s smile starts to fade.

“What’s wrong?” Mitch asks anxiously.

“Nothing,” Matt shakes his head, “I just, I didn’t even see where you ended up,” he says. He feels bad now. Mitch had been supportive of him the whole way through, had met him at the end of his runs. And Matt hadn’t even looked at his score.

“Oh” Mitch says and waves it off with a smirk, “I got 9th, nothing to write home about I’m just glad I got to the finals.”

“It’s honestly,” Matt pauses to take a deep breath, “been an honor to be with you here, see you qualify.”

Mitch smiles at him and walks forward. They hug again but it’s not as intense as it was out on the slopes. Instead, in here, alone and away from the rest of the world Mitch just wraps his arms around Matt’s middle and rests his head on Matt’s shoulder. It’s easy as anything for Matt to hug him back, wrap his arms around Mitch and rest his head against his.

When Mitch pulls back he goes to open his mouth. To say something. But Matt doesn’t give him time. He leans down and slots his lips against Mitch, kissing him as fully as a deeply as he knows how.

Mitch makes a surprised noise and his hand moves to Matt’s arm, tensing sharply before relaxing as he seemingly melts. Kissing him feels like a lot of things, a little hurried, a little eager, but mostly it just feels like gold. Matt makes sure to keep a tight hold of Mitch, that protective instinct raging hard within him. God this kid, this beautiful, crazy kid, who’s full of life and sunshine. Matt doesn’t want to let him go.

“Wow,” Mitch says when Matt finally pulls away, pressing a hand to his forehead like he’s feeling faint.

Matt nods and smiles at him, “Wow” he agrees.

“Thought that was my reward,” Mitch says on a giggle.

Matt shrugs, “Well, you may not have medalled but you did good today.”

“I still do have to give you something though, for winning,” he says and steps away from Matt. He goes from looking giddy to nervous in just a few seconds flat and Matt wants to reel him back in and kiss him again. Anything to get that look off his face. This is supposed to be a good time. Mitch isn’t supposed to be worried about anything.

“It’s cool,” Matt says dismissively, “don’t worry.”

“No this is important,” Mitch says and he backs up turning to lean down and rustle through his bedside table. Matt squints his eyes but doesn’t see what Mitch grabs as he slides it into his hoodie pocket and turns back around.

“Really Mitch, I was joking about this,” Matt tries to reassure him. Did Mitch buy him something?

“No, listen,” Mitch says and holds up a finger, “I’ve been trying to give this to you all week. I should have given it to you a lot sooner but I… I was worried you’d be mad,” he looks sheepish, guilty, caught. Matt has no idea why.

“Uh, Okay,” he says, still not catching on.

“It’s just,” Mitch says and pulls his hand out of his pocket. A ribbon follows but that’s not what he’s holding. “You gave it to me but you were hammered. I shouldn't have let you but it was… you, you know.”

Matt gawks at the golden disk in Mitch's hand. He would ask what it was but he’d recognize it anywhere. It doesn’t have his name on it but it does say “Snowboarding Men’s Halfpipe Sochi 2014” and there’s only one of those in the world made of gold.

“Oh my god,” Matt says and holds his hand out. Mitch hands it over immediately and Matt pulls it back to him, “It’s… my gold medal. I thought I lost it.” He says.

Mitch shrugs sheepishly, “Yeah I’m sorry,” He says.

“I gave it to you?” Matt asks looking up.

Mitch nods, “Yeah when you were in Toronto for your brother’s bachelor party you guys were at this bar in a restaurant that my friends and I were eating in and I saw you and I just… Well you know how I get around you I had to say hi. But when I did you were so out of it and you had your gold medal around your neck and you saw me looking at it and then you took it off and gave it to me and said ‘take it, it means more to you anyway,’ then you turned away and I… I took it.” he flushes with embarrassment, “it was wrong I’m sorry.”

Matt smiles at him and shakes his head he throws the medal onto his bed and pulls Mitch back towards him, “I don’t give a fuck about a gold medal,” he tells Mitch sincerely, and kisses him again.

 

******

 

During the medal ceremony Matt steps up onto his platform, shakes the hand of the olympic official in front of him and bows his head for the medal. This one is a lot different from his Sochi one. It’s silver, yeah, but it simultaneously feels heavier and lighter around his neck. Heavier because it means more, means redemption, means closing this chapter of his life. Lighter because it means all that bullshit in the past is gone. Matt bites his lip and squeezes his eyes shut as the American anthem plays.

He blinks them open and through tears he watches the Canadian flag raise, just below the American one.

Nothing compared to this moment. Nothing has ever felt this freeing.

When Matt leaves the podium Mitch is the first one on him like always but the rest of Snowboard Canada is there as well. They all go out that night, all go to party and drink and listen to music. They have almost two whole weeks to go and Matt doesn’t have any reason to go home early.

He does, however, have something in his pocket that belongs to Mitch. He doesn’t pull it out right away because he’s enjoying dancing with Mitch, drinking with Mitch, _laughing_ with Mitch.

It’s the best night he’s had in a long time and Matt doesn’t even hesitate, when Mitch plasters himself to his front, kissing him hard.

“God,” He hears to the left of him, all grossed out and whiny, “it’s about fucking time.”

When Matt looks up Derek is grinning at them, still proud despite the sound of his voice.

“Jealous?” Matt smirks.

“Nope,” and Derek hides his smile behind his cup.

“Ignore him,” Mitch says and tugs Matt back down to keep kissing him.

Matt pulls Mitch into a corner then, away from the crowds and the music and the alcohol. He feels a little looser, a little warmer, but he’s all there and so when he pulls out the gold medal from his pocket he remembers this time.

“Why do you have that?” Mitch asks. The silver medal is still around Matt’s neck.

“Because,” Matt said, “I meant it, It does mean more to you than it does to me, I don’t want it anymore, I want you to have it.”

“What? It’s your gold medal!” Mitch says.

“Yeah but,” Matt shrugs, “listen getting up on that podium today I felt like I finally had earned it, that it was where I belonged. Yeah sure it’s just Silver but I did it the right way. I fought back so hard for it. This” he holds up the gold medal for Mitch, “was the happiest moment of your childhood, you said it yourself, but to me it’s a fluke, it’s about proving myself. Whatever it is to you, Is way more than it is to me.”

Mitch stares up at him disbelieving.

“Keep it this time and stop feeling guilty,” Matt says.

Mitch takes it delicately from Matt’s grasp and stares at it in awe, “But I… Won’t you miss it?”

“I haven’t had it for a while now,” Matt reminds him, “besides,” he holds Mitch’s hand around the medal, “hopefully you having it means it won’t get too far away.”

If Mitch’s skin wasn’t already red he’d probably be blushing again.

“Thank you,” Mitch says, “For… everything. The medal but also everything you’ve helped me with during my whole career and just… being a good friend,” He looks Matt in the eyes, “I love you I think, maybe?” he shakes his head, “but just thank you.”

Matt smiles at him and brushes his cheek gently before cradling the side of his face and sweeping his thumb along Mitch’s cheekbone. “Anything for you,” He says.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Real Deal

February 14th 2018

 

Not many people can say they’ve done what Matt Martin has accomplished just this past Wednesday. Following years of turmoil and hard work, Martin now stands as Canada’s only medallist in the men’s halfpipe. His shocking final run was enough to secure his second place win, beaten only by Shaun White who needed a record breaking 97.75 to come in first.

 

“The Olympics are always harder,” Martin told us with the Silver medal around his neck, “The competition ramps up each time I wouldn’t be surprised if next Olympics, gold medalist were getting perfect 100s.”

 

In the lead up to the Olympics it was widely believed that Canada would miss the podium on this event. It seemed all anyone could say about the Halfpipe team was that Martin was a fluke and Marner was not ready. But both of them proved everyone wrong, as Marner managed to end up top 10 in both qualifying and the finals.

 

“I’m just so happy to be here,” Marner said with his patented overjoyed smile, “The Olympics are a once in a lifetime opportunity. Obviously I hope to be back here again but just to say I’m an Olympian, it’s amazing, I’m ecstatic. I don’t have a medal but just getting to be a part of this… Watch Matt, my hero, get silver. I honestly can’t think of anything better than this.”

 

“It’s been crazy,” Martin told us, “These past 4 years have been an absolute blur for me. I’m just so excited to finish this journey where I have. I’m lucky every day that I get to snowboard and wear the maple leaf for this country. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t wanted gold but all I can tell you is that, this is the greatest win I’ve ever had. Not too long ago I was so far in a hole I thought I’d never come out and here I am, ready to take on the world. I feel like I’ve finally proven to everyone, but most importantly to me, that I’m the real deal.”

 

Well after that run and that finish, the rest of the world has not choice but to agree. Matt Martin certainly is. The Real Deal.

 

PYEONGCHANG

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE please please leave a comment or kudos if you liked it. Idk how much I'll be posting in the future but this is something I am def happy to finally get done. 
> 
> Also if any artists are out there and you're up for it please draw the moment where Mitch pulls Matt close to him with the Canadian flag that moment is just so visceral to me.
> 
> my tumblr is @brandoncarlo (because i don't use my writing blog much anymore) and pls pls talk to me if you're up for it!


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